21 years young

An Alien Love

I can’t even listen to love songs anymore without thinking of you

And letting my mind go to places it shouldn’t

Like the back seats of cars and basement couches

But it doesn’t belong there

Where it should be is sitting in a church pew

Or kneeling on a rug at prayer meeting

I’m praying my heart stops bleeding

And beating faster at the mention your name

Pen ink stains are on every page of my journal

Trying to find the words to describe how my heart supernova’s into a trillion little pieces

That swim in a milky way mist of lust and desire

Ever expanding to new galaxies, like the corners of my mind

Just when I think I could imagine every possible scenario

When I think I’ve reached the limit of how far we can go

I always manage to imagine us going a little bit farther

I am an astronaut

Exploring the unknown

And the sinless creatures that look on from virgin planets laugh at how foolish it is to love

They see my desire spelt out among the stars, and scoff at such child’s play

It is amusement for them to watch my love sick soul hover around you like a satellite

And then collapse into a black hole of heartache when you turn your face from me

My love

They think we could never be

They think loving you is self destruction

Almost like a suicide attempt

And they are right

But what they fail to see, is that the opportunity cost is much higher not pursuing you

If you could be mine, the joy you give would resurrect me into a new being

Extraterrestrials would marvel at this otherworldly, intelligent, and divine creation we call love

And our ability to fall in it, give it, and make it so abundantly

So unapologetically

So selflessly,

And yet so self servingly

• 28 Apr 2013
• Comment
• 1

I wish I could love you the same

You deserve love more than me

You’re kind soul far exceeds my shallow heart

Right from the start I knew you had invested more

But I was reaping all the dividends

I am so selfish

But you…

You are the martyr

Willing to die for a shot at love, if you think I might give it a try

I admire that you refuse to flinch,

When your temple is pressed against the cold hard barrel of the gun

Even when I am the one, whose finger is on the trigger

You’d stand still

And take the bullet for me

• 9 Mar 2013
• Comment
• 2

Homie, Lover, Friend

 

Teach me how to play the guitar

Show me how you strum and pluck those cords like they were my heart strings

And sing to me

Even the crack of your voice sounds

Like the flutter of an angel wing

Heavenly

Show me

All you know about love

With your lips, your eyes, your finger tips, and your heart

The allow me to be a part of your life so I can do the same

And don’t mind the way I stare

It’s only because I’ve never seen such perfect imperfection

You are a divine reflection of His character

Love, joy, peace, and longsuffering are embodied in your body

Embroidered in your soul

I want to be stitched in the fabric of your being

Glued to the pages of the open book that is your mind

And we can start a love that will stand the test of time

I want to be so close to you that we won’t even feel the need to hold hands

Deeper than just an artificial physical connection

The prayer and petitions we utter for one another will hold us together like molecular bonds

I want to be the second greatest force in your life next to God

Like an atomic bomb that detonated in your world and left you suffocating in a heart shaped cloud of my kisses

I’m wasting wishes for you

On every penny riddled fountain,

Every shooting star that blazes across the night sky,

Every birthday cake candle that mocks each year I’ve lived on this earth without you

Only God knows if or when my hopes will every come true.

All I know is homie, lover or friend

I’m desperate to have you in my life

And I don’t want to force it

I’ll let you decide what well be

But please don’t call me a homie

And please don’t let me be just a friend

• 25 Feb 2013
• Comment
• 4

a PSA on missed social cues

Every time I say

“I’m not ready for a relationship right now”

“I think we make really good friends, and I want to keep it that way”

“I’m a free bird”

“I’m already seeing someone”

“I have really bad luck with relationships and love. I might be allergic”

“I think you’ll find someone whose a better match for you”

“Maybe later”

or “This isn’t a date”

They are all just really long winded, apologetic, passive or polite ways of saying

“No”

“Not interested.”

or “Go away”

But any way I put it, I never said yes

• 30 Dec 2012
• Comment

a hopeless holiday

Oh what I wouldn’t do to get one second of your attention

And because I’ve been so idle this holiday season, all these crazy ideas are in my head

Like standing under a floating conveyor belt lined with mistletoe

Going caroling outside your front door wearing nothing but a santa hat and some unmentionables

Leaving a gift on your doorstep marked “from your secret admirer”

Yet for some reason the thought of just talking to you, scares the turkey stuffing out of me.

Maybe I’ll just wait till valentines day to make a move…

Or maybe, God will look down on me with pity and stir your soul to do it first

• 27 Dec 2012
• Comment
• 1

Some therapy

I promised myself I wouldn’t waste the time writing about you

Doing so would only breathe life into something that was never meant to live

It would document something I may want to forget or come to regret

But then I realized that this ‘thing’ is already living inside of me

Its occupying my thoughts

So before it reaches my heart

Let me just reserve a space for it on paper

I don’t know much about you

But I’ve read enough of your tweets and facebook statuses to have created a beautiful and monstrous version of you that mostly exists in my mind

And occasionally in my dreams

Because you are that haunting, bone rattling and soul stirring

You just don’t know it yet

And maybe you’ll never know it

I’m still at the stage where I blush whenever I see you in person because I feel like I should apologize for all the things I did to you in my over active imagination

So there. I said it. Not for your benefit but for mine.

• 9 Dec 2012
• Comment
• 1